God Provides

It is amazing how God continues to put me in places where He can so clearly speak to my heart.

At church, we have been studying Exodus and discovering God's will for our lives. The statement of this series is that "God's will is always accompanied by God's power and His provision." Yesterday, Gregg talked about the Red Sea and God's provision for his people. For those of you that might have been there, bear with me. I am no Gregg Matte and I will not do his lesson justice, but I wanted to share what God spoke to my heart this morning.

God provides unexpected paths.
The Israelites were standing at the bank of the Red Sea... an army of Egyptians behind them and water as far as they could see in front of them. What in the world could God possibly do in this situation? Only what their limited minds could never even imagine- split the sea, make 20 foot walls of water and let them walk through on dry land!
I thought I had my life all planned out. After all that I had been through, I was finally going to meet my godly husband, get pregnant the month that we started trying, have 3 beautiful, healthy children and live happily ever after. That is not the path that God has given me. You see, He has not given me the path that I expect because He wants me to learn to trust not in my plans, but in HIM.
I never thought for a minute that I would ever walk the path of infertility. I couldn't fathom that I would be here. But, God has brought me here by no mistake. He is teaching me to trust in His hand to guide my desires, my hopes, and my steps. Not only do I need to learn to trust the path that He is taking me down, I need to release my expected path to Him. I need to surrender all of my own plans to Him before I can ever follow His plans wholeheartedly.
I remember having a conversation with my sweet friend, Cindy about a year ago. I told her that I trusted that God was going to work it out. She knows my heart intently and called me on my true feelings. She said, "You trust that God will work this out by you getting pregnant eventually. You are willing to wait on Him as long as it ends in you carrying a biological child. Do you still trust Him, even if it means that you will never get pregnant? You need to be at a place where you trust Him to work it out NO MATTER how He decides to do it, even if that means never being pregnant." She was right. I could not imagine ever being "OK" with not being pregnant. I might pray that I trusted God to work it out, no matter how He decided to, but in my heart of hearts, I did not mean that. You see, being pregnant is my expected path. I am willing to follow God through some detours as long as He eventually gets me back to my path. I am closer than I was a year ago, but I am still not ready to take a left and follow Him in the other direction.

God used the east winds to split the sea.
The east winds are the same winds that brought the plagues. They are the violent winds that Jesus calmed when He calmed the sea. The east winds were seen as the winds of persecution.
The same winds of persecution are the winds that He uses to provide a path for me!
The trials that I am experiencing in this life are not a taking me off course. They are the course! He is using each step and each lesson learned to provide the way for me. I should not run from these times, but embrace them and follow them. These winds are what are creating a way for me to walk to the other side- a place of protection and promise!

Our pursuits often result in difficulty.
I cannot just do what I want to do and then ask God to bless it. I must seek His will. If I am following God's will, He will provide the way for me. But, if I am following my own desires, I will only end up more confused. Every storm that is put in my life is there to either correct me or perfect me. To bring me closer to Him. When I face a sea that I cannot cross, I need to pray for guidance and ask God why it is in my life. Am I supposed to go through it, around it, or turn away from it?
This has been such a hard part of the journey for me. I am constantly trying to determine what God's will is. I want a child so badly that I just want to charge through this! I struggle to know if that is my own desire or God's will for my life. I don't want to move forward unless He is walking with me and providing the path.

Then we all stood together in worship. Gregg said, "I want you to picture yourself on the other side of the Red Sea, looking back at what God has done for you. Let's trust that He will bring us to the other side and give Him thanks as if we are already victorious!" The congregation began to sing "You are God alone. In the good times and bad, You are on your throne."

That's when it hit me that even though I know in my head that God is good and that He will give us victory, I am not believing that in my heart. I absolutely broke down. I could not sincerely sing those words to Him. I can't picture myself on the other side of this. All I can see is water and I feel trapped. I used to have no trouble believing that I would get to the other side of this. I would have shouted of His faithfulness and provision, even though I have yet to see it. Today, I can't.

I know that God is good. I know that He will provide. I have not lost faith in the power of God. But, I just haven't released my expected path to Him.
Maybe I am so busy looking for the sea to split, that I am missing the boat that He has sent for me.

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14)