Where we are

I originally started this blog as a way to keep people posted on our fertility journey. But, over the past few months, it has been more of a way to keep you posted on our lives. We haven't had much to say about the infertility aspect of our lives because God has us in a holding pattern right now. I know that many of you continue to pray for us even during this time and I cannot tell you how much that means to us. I have been asked a lot recently about what our next step will be, so I thought that it was time to post about where we are.

Our failed IVF cycle was a devastating loss for both Rusty and I. It was so frustrating to not see God's hand. We felt in our hearts that we were supposed to move forward with the treatments and did not understand why He would lead us there, not to give us what we so desperately wanted. We had given so much of ourselves and we were emotionally and physically exhausted. I felt God's presence during that time and though I don't think that I will ever understand, I clung to His promises that He would not leave me. Recently, I was reminded of a passage in John 13:7 that says, "You do not realize what I am now doing, but later you will understand." Even though I might never understand, I trust that He is using this for my good. Even if it is not in this life, someday I will have perspective and know that He has used each piece of my story to fit together for His glory.
"Delayed answers to prayer are not only trials of faith; they also give us opportunities to honor God through our steadfast confidence in Him even when facing the apparent denial of our request." Charles Spurgeon

Our most recent test results were very encouraging and we are excited about the opportunity to try another cycle of IVF. Part of me wanted to proceed the day we got the results. I feel like I have waited so long and I just wanted to move forward! But more than I want a baby, I want to walk in God's plan for me and for my marriage. I do not want to do anything unless it is in His time. That is where we are now- waiting for God to reveal His timing.
Rusty is going to be very busy with work over the next couple of months, so we are waiting until things slow down for him. With our next round, he will have to undergo a minor procedure that will have him out for a few days and that is just not possible right now.

Before our next cycle, we have some major decisions to make about our treatment plan. We are spending this time seeking wisdom regarding these decisions. We are praying that God will give us an overwhelming peace about His plans for us.

I have learned that God wants to open his gates of blessing for me. His timing is perfect and He is never a minute late. He is waiting on ME to be where I need to be, so that He can move in my life. "Test me in this, bring your whole tithe to the storehouse and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." (Malachi 3:10) He is waiting to open the gates for me- if I will only let Him! One paraphrase of this verse says that if I bring all that He asks of me, He will pour so much blessing on me that I will be embarrassed over my lack of space to receive it.

I know that God's ability to provide for me is far beyond my greatest prayers. I believe that if we wait on Him, seek His will, follow His hand and trust in Him completely, He will give us more than we could ever dream of. I don't know how He will choose to give us a family, but I trust that He will and I am excited to see how He does it!

"Give all He asks and take all He promises." Samuel Dickey Gordon