Here we go again..

Today, I officially started the meds to start another cycle of IVF. This month is not very exciting physically- this is just a month of suppression. I take meds to suppress my ovulation so that when I start the follicle stimulating drugs (next month) I will not ovulate before they can retrieve them surgically.
Although there is not much going on physically yet, this has been an extremely emotional step for me. This is probably our last shot at having a biological child and that is a very overwhelming thought. The process that we are going through this time is the most aggressive form possible. If it does not work this way, they say that it will never work.
We have prayed for months about it and feel like we are being led to move forward. Fertility decisions are very complicated- there are so many options and so many gray areas. There is not one "right decision" for everyone. Each person brings their own story to this place and each couple needs to do what it right for them. There are so many doors to choose from. How am I to know if I am moving forward in God's will or according to my own desires? So each day, I pray that God will close a door. If we start to walk one way and it is not His plan, I pray that He closes that opportunity, no matter how painful it is.
The doctor has not given us the greatest odds for medical success. So, we go into this knowing that no matter what our medical odds, God is still in control. He is bigger than our circumstances and He will do whatever He plans for us.
Only He knows why He has led us to this door. I am acutely aware that He may not be bringing us here with the result of pregnancy. This may just be a step that He needs to take us to lead us to the next step. I pray every day that He will open my heart to that and prepare me for whatever path He plans to send me down.
At work, my last scheduled shift is next week. I decided that I just cannot try to work during this round. Last time, I worked up until days before the procedure and I was miserable- hormonal and very uncomfortable from the meds. It is just not worth it to me to add that stress. I want to do everything in my "power" and control to protect this opportunity. I am still going to be doing some education (teaching classes about newborn care and what to do after being discharged home from the hospital) which should be a good change of pace for me. I am not scheduled to work again for the rest of the year, but I can always go back whenever I am ready.
I will be doing about 6 weeks of drugs and our procedure should fall sometime around Thanksgiving.
But, will you please be praying even now?

• Pray that my body responds appropriately to the medication.

• Pray for wisdom.

• Pray that we will have a peace about the decisions that we make. That God will make His will abundantly clear to us and that we can rest in that peace.

• Pray for His protection over my mind when I am not working. It is easy to let my mind wander with worry when I have too much time on my hands.
  

I could not have made it through the last round without the prayer and support of each of you. I cannot tell you how much it means to us to have you in our lives. Thank you for the interceding that you have done and will do on our behalf.