I realize that I have been a terrible blogger lately and I apologize.
I always know that it is time to update when I start getting the question on a daily basis, "So what's going on? Where are you guys with the fertility stuff?"
The answer, I am afraid, is not very exciting. Nothing is happening. Because of Rusty's work schedule, we really aren't able to proceed with anything right now. He has a trial in New York scheduled for December and when he is not traveling, he will be busy working and unable to travel to Austin for appointments.
We still do not really have a plan on how we are going to proceed yet, anyway. We just don't have a peace about which direction we are supposed to go in, so we continue to wait. In the meantime, we continue to pray for complete healing and for a miracle!
I haven't shared much on the blog about specific health issues or what our options are, so you might be reading this and be lost. But, please just continue to pray that when the time is right, we will both know in our hearts how we are supposed to proceed.
One of the reasons that I haven't posted much is because I am really struggling right now. I have said it before and I will say it again, but I don't want to be the "Debbie downer" blog that is whining and crying about what I don't have. I am so thankful for all that the Lord has blessed me with and I have not lost sight of that. I do not ever want to come across as feeling sorry for myself. But, this season has it's ups and downs and I am currently walking through some tough days.
Working as an L&D nurse has really started to pay it's toll on my emotions. For two years, I have gone there with a smile on my face and served my patient's in the best way that I knew how. But lately, it's just too hard for me to fake a smile. When I have a patient that tests positive for drugs, has had no prenatal care or takes their precious miracle for granted, I just don't have the strength to take care of them anymore. I cry as I drive to work and I cry all the way home. That isn't healthy for me or my coworkers that have to put up my bad attitude (sorry guys!) Although the thought is still overwhelming to me, I have been considering a change. L&D is all that I have ever done, so the idea of having to learn something new really scares me.
So that's why I have posted....It's easier for me to just not post at all, than to feel like I am throwing a pity party. But, I was recently reminded that the people who read this, read because they love Rusty and I and they want to know what is going on with us- the good and the bad. We cannot thank you enough for your support! Thanks for loving us even on the tough days!
13 comments:
Praying for you! I know that God is using this unhappiness and restlessness in your job to work towards a new plan for your life. I know it doesn't feel good right now but He is working it out. Who knows, maybe you will become a seamstress :-) We love you guys and I am here anytime you need anything.
Hey Jennifer! Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and I know the God has a very special plan for you guys! Also, you were such an angel of a nurse in L&D, but I know you will be a great nurse in any specialty because you are wonderful at what you do. Ryan and I still talk about how much you helped calm my fears the day before and of my C-section. We will never forget that or YOU! Melanie Allen
Always praying for you!!! I pray for God to walk beside and guide you to the path that is perfect for you. You where on my mind the other day and I just felt the need to pray for you to have some peace. I think you are a wonderful women and deserve all the best. We love you guys and maybe one of these days we can all get together, lots of love and hugs...
This post is proof of one of the things I love most about you - your realness, your honesty, just being YOU! I adore your sense of humor, your boldness, your ability to connect with people...and I also love your willingness to be transparent. We do love you and care about you and want to know how to pray for you and support you, so thank you for letting us in.
I will be specifically praying about your job. I have always said to you that I don't know how you do it, but then again it's because this is where the Lord has called you and He equips you everyday with every new patient. And He very well may be calling you in a new, even better direction, so I will be praying for His will to be abundantly clear to you in this. And that whatever/wherever it is that He is calling, that you will have passion and excitement for it.
And you know that I am continually praying for you and your family. God has something very special in store, I have no doubt, and I am asking him to give you very clear direction about how/when to proceed. I believe with all my heart, Jennifer, that it WILL happen - in His time and in His perfect way!!
LOVE YOU! XOXOXO
Praying that God gives you a perfect peace on the direction you and Rusty are supposed to go and the direction you are to go with nursing. I know it must be very hard to see babies day in and day out. God's ways are perfect - even when we don't like them! Different issues - but we all face issues everyday. Many times they are life-changing and heart-breaking. God is teaching us through it all and is with us. Even when we don't understand and don't feel HIm. Keep the faith Jenni and Rusty! Love you both!
Julie
Thank you for being honest about your feelings. We don't want you to walk this road alone and it helps to know how to pray, and when you need it the most. We're praying for peace for you now.
Sweet Jennifer---from a nurse of 36 yrs (mostly in the OR) I know you would be such a blessing in any specialty you try. AND I(too) think you need to try something else...and give your sweet emotions a break. Trying something new is scarey but also fun! you are so smart, that it wouldn't take you long to get comfortable in any field. Praying for you--Becky Awtrey( Stephanie's mom)
Jennifer, always remember, God is in control. He will NEVER leave you, forsake you, or not listen to your prayers. You are in my prayers always. I pray that God will grant you the desires of your heart!
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Jennifer. I just want you to know that you are NOT Debbie Downer :) I always enjoy seeing your warm, smiley face whenever I encounter you at church, girls night, wherever. You are right; those of us who read your blog WANT to know what you're going through if you feel inclined to share. We want to pray for you, love on you, think of you. You are a BLESSING.
Jennifer~ your blog made me cry! Know that God does have a plan for the two of you to grow your family! Just think if you were not a L&D nurse we would have never met you! The smile on your face when I arrived for my c-section can never beforgetten! Your love and passion while taking care of The Chandlers is greatly appreciated. You have become such a wonderful, honest, thoughtful, caring, and most of all loyal friend to me, so I thank you for that!
You've always impressed me so much by your strength and honesty. I admire your willingness to really say how you feel. And I never get the impression that you're throwing a fit or not trusting in the Lord. You are as real as they come! I think what you're feeling at work is more than understandable. I'll be praying that God gives you some direction and guidance and that He speaks peace to your heart.
Also... I tagged you for an "award" on my blog :)
First of all, you're blog is SO heart felt and touching, I think everyone that reads it is moved...Obvioulsy by the the comments on this blog, you see how genuinely LOVED you are! You have touched each of us with your passion and spirit, it hurts me to see you walking this hard road. Please KNOW it's OK to be a "debbie-downer" sometimes! (even if sometimes lasts a while) That's when you sort out out the "fair-weather" friends from the true ones. I think ALL of your blog followers and friends agree WE WANT A BABY FOR YOU!!!!! It's heartbreaking to see someone who deserves this miracle SO much, to have such a journey to get there....but Jen, you have to KNOW it's NOT by accident! It REALLY doesn't seem fair, I understand. But your "steps were ordered" a LONG time ago! Amanda B. both MY dental and your L&D patient told me today, when she met you she knew you were "meant to be a mother"....there are prayers EVERYWHERE being lifted up for you and Rusty! We love you and you are NOT forgotten!
A great friend of mine has been traveling the infertility road for sometime, and she found out last week that she is pregant--no meds, ultrasounds, temperature taking, or anything--ALL GOD! Well, you know... :)
He is in the miracle business, and I know that He has a miracle to give you in one way or another!
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