I recently found a letter that I wrote to God many years ago.....
I struggle to have the faith that I did at 5 years old. To be able to say,
"Thank you God for doing what I know you are capable of, even though you have not done it yet."
He didn't say yes. He chose not to heal her. I don't know why and I will never know. That wouldn't have been my plan. It wouldn't have been my choice.
But, I trust Him. I trust that He had a plan and that He knew what was best for me. I can do that because of how He has provided for me since He took her away. And even though he didn't say yes, I still choose to thank Him for all that He has given me in her absence. I have been blessed with a family and a life that I might not otherwise know.
For the last three years, I have struggled with how to approach God with our infertility. You see, I trust that The One who created us, has the ability to heal us. I believe in miracles and that my God is big enough to do what the doctors cannot.
But, how do I know if that is His plan for us? How do I trust Him to heal us, but keep my heart open to the fact that He might choose not to. He might have something even greater in store for us, something that I do not yet even know that I want. Having a biological child is my plan, but maybe it's not His.
But, I do know this, I will choose to thank Him anyway. Because I trust that no matter how He chooses to make us parents, we are still in the palm of His hand. He has not forgotten us and He will provide for us, every step of the way. Through this journey, we have been blessed by so many things that we might not otherwise have, things that I didn't yet know that I needed. We have been given a strong, solid marriage, cherished friends and loved ones that encourage and pray for us and a closer walk with the One that we cling to for the wisdom and strength that we are not capable of on our own.
It has taken me three years to get to a place where I once said that I would never, ever be. It is the place where I can sincerely say.....
Thank you Lord,
even if you "sayed" No.
12 comments:
Wow, Jennifer, your post is so powerful and a testimony to the fact that only the Lord can bring you to that place of faith and acceptance and trust. Thanks so much for sharing. He does have an amazing plan for you and Rusty, one that will glorify Him. And it is an honor to watch that plan unfold. :-)
God has "sayed no" many many times in my life. But He has never left me or forsaken me. His plan is perfect even if I don't understand it. Maybe it's age, maturity, or just not being as stubborn as I used to be, but I am also able to say Thank You even when He "sayed no"! Not always fun - but always a blessing. Praying for you and Rusty that God would reveal His plan for you both! Love you!
Mammy
I love this precious letter but even more than that, I love you. I am so glad you "sayed" yes to Rusty and to being my daughter-in-love.
I don't want to copy Ronda, but what she wrote is exactly what my response would have been. We love you!
What a strong testimony of faith!
You are such an inspiration to me. I am moved by your faith and strength. I pray for you and I pray that I can be more like you and remain faithful in the face of the adversities that we face in this life. I am blessed to know you and to call you friend.
Love you Jennifer! What an amazing example you are to me. May God continue to receive glory in everything.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I loved your post tonight. I, myself, have had to learn how to rest in the assurance that God's plan is far greater than mine. Though I often think my timing is just perfect, I can't see the future like He can. It is so hard to rest in that fact and I am so happy for you that you are able to say thank you Lord for whatever you have in store for me. I do think and pray for you often. Thanks for all the posts!
I believe!!!
That letter is heartbreaking. You are amazing. You are touching more lives than you know with your faith right now. Hang on guys. He is in control. Let him use you. You will be honored. Love you girl and miss you.
You're SO loved! Imagine if we think SO much of you, HOW MUCH MORE does Your creator have in store!!!! I can't wait to see HIS plan unfold for you!!! It's gonna ROCK you're world!-
How do you find these inspiring things that encourage and uplift me? Wow! That is a very wonderful blog and thanks for sharing it with us. Praying for you all the time. You are in my thoughts and heart.
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