Where I am

I haven't posted much lately about our "baby making" journey because I thought people might be tired of hearing about it. I thought that I would post some other random things so that you would see that we really do have (somewhat of) a life other than our infertility! However, I have had many people ask me what was going on, so I thought that I would give an update on where we are.
First of all, I did go back to work a couple of weeks ago. It has been easier than I had anticipated because of all of the supportive friends that I have there to love on me! Some days are better than others, but that is true anytime. I had one meltdown last week over a 20 year old patient whose 18 month old daughter came to visit. She was dirty, had no shoes on, clothes that didn't even fit her. I just wanted to take her home with me and bathe her, feed her, and buy her some clothes! I got home and cried to Rusty, "Why does she get to have 2 babies?" I don't understand. I would feed my child, I would bathe them, give them everything in the world. I would never hurt them, molest them, or put them in a microwave!" I just don't understand. That was my one meltdown. I think that only one in several weeks is pretty good!
Rusty and I met with a new Urologist and our Fertility specialist last week. We felt better after talking to our doctor and were able to vent some of our frustrations to him. We had a lot of concerns and questions about the way that our first IVF was handled and were not sure if we were going to use the same doctor again. We left his office with a peace and felt a little validated.
We were hopeful after seeing the Urologist as well. Both Rusty and I felt very comfortable with him. He really likes working with infertility and you could tell that he was passionate about helping us. He acknowledged what an emotional investment this is, not just some testing. My only frustration was that we didn't see him sooner! Oh well, chalk it up to a lesson learned. We discussed several options for testing and potential treatment plans. We will be having some further testing done over the next couple of weeks to see what our options are to proceed. If we choose to do another IVF cycle, we will probably wait several months. We need this time to rest and recover (physically, emotionally, and financially) from the last round. God has granted me a true patience and peace during this time. I desperately want a baby, but I only want God's will for our lives. I know that God is going to work it out somehow and I am resting in that.
I bought a plaque this week that I have no place for in the house, but I felt that I needed it. It says "Faith is not believing that God can, it is knowing that He will." That is where I am right now, believing that He is going to provide. I don't know how yet, but I look forward to finding out!