Where we are

I have gotten this question a lot recently, so I thought that I would give an update on "where we are" on the baby journey. I wish that I had big news, but not too much has changed.

As far as fertility treatments go, we have two different options that we can pursue. Both options have a list of pros and cons that we have been talking and praying through. This is not a decision that either of us want to take lightly. What could be more important than your child's life? We both see benefits of each option, but neither of us feel 'great' about how to move forward. I believe that when it is God's timing, He will give us a complete peace about how to proceed.

In the meantime, we are still praying for a miracle. We believe that the Creator of Life is bigger than any statistics given to us by a doctor and that He can still move.

This month marks two years of "trying" for a baby. Early on, I remember thinking that I might not survive another milestone without being pregnant. But two birthdays, two Christmases, two Mother's Days have all passed. Each time, I swore it would be the last, but here I am again. It breaks my heart to know that another birthday will soon be here and my arms will still be empty.

However, the Lord has taken away my sense of urgency. Do I want to be a mom any less? Absolutely not!! In fact, I feel more prepared to be a mom than I ever have. But I know now that this birthday (and several more!) may come and go without a baby. I can't tell you that I am thrilled with that notion, but I am ok with it. I have stopped questioning "why" and asking "how" He wants to use this in my life.

I have always believed Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." But, God is teaching me that I have not been interpreting that scripture correctly. He doesn't say that He will give me all that my heart desires, but that He will give me the desires of my heart. Not necessarily the things that I am wanting, but the very desires themselves. I believe that it is ok to pray for our desires to be fulfilled, as long as our desires are in line with God's will for us. If I am walking with Him, delighting in Him alone, following His hand and allowing His desires to be mine, my life will be fully blessed- whether I am ever a mommy or not.

We love each of you dearly and are so thankful to have you walking this journey with us. We have been surrounded by the support and prayers of so many of you during this time.
Please continue to pray for us:
-That He would protect my heart and give me strength as I care for pregnant women all day.
-Over the past few weeks my friend's lives have been full of new pregnancies and babies and while I praise the Lord for these new lives, it is always a little bit tough for me.
-We continue to beg the Lord to protect our marriage through this time and use it to grow us closer together.
-That God will give us His desires, reveal His will to us, and to get us out of His way so that He can work through us!