The joy of infertility

Too often, I think of the pain that the last two years have brought to our lives. The tears, sleepless nights, hours on my knees begging God to take this away from me. It has been tough to stay strong and walk forward in faith.

But today, I was reminded of how much good has come from this journey.

Along the way, I have been saving notes of encouragement that people send me. Some are cards and letters, others are emails that I have received. Early in the journey, I began to save each of these precious gifts. I decided that I wanted to keep all of them so that one day, our child will know just how loved they really are. I want them to know how many people were praying for them long before they ever knew them. Today, I was organizing all of the notes so that I can create a scrapbook for our child.

I sat on the floor of my study and read over each of the notes as I put them into a folder. For over an hour, I poured over each word and cried my eyes out. Hundreds of pages of love and encouragement sat on my lap. Hundreds.

I am so blessed.

There are prayers on our behalf, scripture to encourage us, notes that just simply remind us that we are loved. I am reminded of the roller coaster of emotions that we have gone through. As the pages turn from encouragement while we wait, celebration of the life that was created, then comfort in our losses. Then the cycle starts all over again.

Some made me laugh out loud. "Wouldn't it be great if you had triplets? Teach you to overachieve, Ha!" or when I was hyperstimmed, "I don't have any scripture for you today, but I did watch a special on DHC about a woman who had a 150 lb tumor on her back and had to have it removed and have multiple skin grafts with months of recovery and severe pain. Does that make you feel better?" Thanks a lot, Megg.

Some broke my heart like one from Dr. Moore: "I just heard the good news! God's ears must be ringing from all the prayers bombarding him for these three little Woolley Bullies! I can't wait to see their profiles on my ultrasound machine! Hang in there little guys and dolls!!!"
We never did get to see that ultrasound.

So many more "I am praying for you. I thought of you today. I am here if you ever need me. We love you guys."

And it hit me, the greatest joy of our infertility...
Friends.
On this journey I have been blessed with such amazing friends. Lost friendships have been rekindled. Old friendships have grown. New friendships have been formed and have blossomed into more than I could have ever hoped for. I am so blessed to have so many people that love us and want the very best for us. I thank God every day for the support that He has sent us during this time. If we had not walked this road, I truly do not think that I would have any idea how many people care.

Most of the pages I read made me cry. But, for the first time in a very long time, they were tears of complete gratitude. I am not even thinking of the things that I do not have because my heart is so full with thoughts of all that I do.