I don't know what else to say....

other than to ask you to please pray.

I went back to the doctor this morning and the initial bloodwork does not look good. The nurse told me not to panic yet, as it could just still be too early, but I don't know what else to do.

Here is the technical stuff (for all of you that want details):
My Hcg level was 0.
Now, this could still be that it is just too early, but is a very probable sign that it is not multiples, if I am pregnant at all. Certainly, I am not greedy and would be thrilled beyond belief to be pregnant with one, but I was also disappointed to hear that it is likely that I have lost 2 others. They may only be 8 cells, but those are MY little 8 cell babies! Little pieces of Rusty and I, formed together into a early (but still) precious life!

Despite daily injections and patches, my progesterone and estrogen levels are very low. This is a bad sign because if there was a pregnancy, my body should have begun to take over and produce these hormones to support the pregnancy. If these numbers are too low (like they are now), it is difficult for a maintain a pregnancy. I have added additional estrogen pills to the mix now.

I was excited to not have had to do a Hcg booster shot this time because I would be able to know results sooner. But because of today's results, I had to do one after all. This means that I now have circulating Hcg in my bloodstream. When I do additional bloodwork, this will show up and we won't know if that is from the shot or a pregnancy. Now, I will have to wait until at least Friday or possibly Monday to see if that level elevates or decreases. Elevates= pregnant. Decreases= not pregnant.

So, no definite word yet, but things are looking good so far. Obviously, I am discouraged, but trying to remain hopeful. I have no control over this and there is nothing that I can do. So, I will continue to take care of myself and pray for these babies.

Please pray that God would continue to prepare our hearts for whatever He has in store for Rusty and I. We desperately want to be parents, but we also want God's will for our lives and want to only walk in His plan. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want this to be His plan. But, I pray that He will prepare and open my heart for whatever path He has for us.